Taming the Dragons

We unexpectedly bought a new bearded dragon last week. Actually, we purchased a new, larger cage with a nice stand, and the young bearded dragon came with it. He is a pretty little beardie, with touches of orange around his ears and down his back. At first, I wanted to name the new little guy "Eustace" after the boy who becomes a dragon in C.S. Lewis' The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. However, this little beardie has proved to be a not-very-tame dragon! After much debate and discussion, we finally agreed to name him "Norbert" after the baby dragon Hagrid hatches in the Harry Potter series. As Hagrid oohs and ahs over the baby dragon in the movie, the little dragon sneezes and sets Hagrid's beard on fire. We all decided that this name fit his character much better!

Since then, Josh has been valiantly attempting to tame the little dragon, while he is still an adolescent. He picks Norbert up and holds him almost every day, and we feed him Phoenix Worms and collard greens by hand. We try not to frighten him, but he is still adapting to his new home. When Josh holds him, he puffs out his beard and turns very dark, and he gapes at Josh, trying to prove that he is boss. If Josh is not careful, Norbert gets a nice, hard nip in there, too. Through all of this, he was never so fierce as when he noticed Trogdor, our old, mellow bearded dragon meandering past his cage one afternoon.

 

What a display of dominance he put on! His beard was jet black as he puffed it out and glared at Trogdor, who does not care one bit about the tiny, ferocious new dragon.

At the same time, we have been attempting to tame our three little dragon-children, as well. Now, obviously, our kids are much sweeter than Norbert, and we love them quite a bit more, too! But, recently, their dispositions have been somewhat dragonish, especially when they do not get their own way. Ultimately, we try to address the heart issues behind their misbehavior and bad attitudes so that they will eventually desire what is right. However, in the meantime, we have had to adopt our own dragon-taming techniques to deal with day-to-day problems.

First, as a method of positive reinforcement, we began using a system of "Daddy Dollars." I recently learned about Daddy Dollars from a friend, so I googled it and found some wonderful information, including a link to a site where I could print my own dollars with my husband's face on them!

The kids earn up to three Daddy Dollars each day by behaving well during school time and at Bible time in the evenings. They can also earn Daddy Dollars by doing extra jobs to help me out. When they save up enough Daddy Dollars, they can use them in the Mommy Mart, purchasing items such as 15 minutes of video games on the cell phone, balloon animals (made by me!), and back scratches. So far, the system works fairly well, though we are still smoothing out some of the details.

In addition to this, we have implemented a more formal chore schedule for the kids. Every day, they must make their beds, clean their rooms, and pick up the toys at the end of the day. Also, each child has an individual job to accomplish each day. Hannah washes breakfast and lunch dishes, Ben feeds the cats and sweeps the kitchen, and Becca sets the table for dinner. They mark off their chores on our calendar, and on Saturday, we pay them one quarter for each day they accomplished all of their chores, plus a bonus quarter if they did their chores every day. So, they can earn up to $2.00 each week. For now at least, the kids enjoy having chores and earning an allowance, and I appreciate having some help with daily jobs while also teaching them responsibility.

However, with this allowance, we have also instituted fines for talking back. Perhaps because of their age or because we have not been consistent enough with discipline, our kids have developed the bad habit of talking back every time they do not get their way. Their behavior reminds me of little Norbert nipping at our fingers whenever we approach him. Anyway, now, whenever the kids talk back or use inappropriate words, they have to deposit a quarter in my "I'm-a-rude-piggy bank." I have accumulated quite a collection of quarters - enough to fund allowances for a long time - and the kids are gradually learning to rein in their tongues.

Finally, I adopted something I once read on an ADHD website to address poor table manners. At each meal, we light a candle. That candle remains lit until someone uses poor table manners, and then we have to blow it out. Once the candle melts completely, we take a family trip to Chuck E Cheeses as a reward. Obviously, the candle burns down more quickly the longer it burns, so the kids have incentive to watch their table manners very carefully and even nicely remind each other without me having to nag and punish. This has been very successful so far, especially when we remember to light it and blow it out consistently...

Hopefully, consistent, firm, loving discipline will tame all of the dragons in our lives, from the fierce little bearded dragon, to the dragonish attitudes and behaviors of the kids. In the long run, however, we hope that the dragon will learn to enjoy interaction and not merely tolerate us, and that our kids will internalize good choices and responsibility without needing constant rewards and punishments. Overall, though, I appreciate having a plan, a consistent approach to deal with the everyday difficulties and to make our home a more pleasant place to live - for both people and pets!