Newspaper Column: Is Homeschooling Overprotective?

I recently wrote a column for my local newspaper about my homeschooling experience. It generated quite a bit of interest and email, so I have decided to repost it here to keep it available for further discussion, since the newspaper will archive it in the next few weeks. I'd love to hear people's responses in the comments section of the blog.

Is It Overprotective to Homeschool Children?

"Recently, I watched Disney's "Tangled" with my family. Mother Gothel, the movie's villain, keeps Rapunzel locked in a tower, supposedly to protect her from people who would steal her precious gift -- her hair. In one song, Mother Gothel assures Rapunzel that danger lurks outside the tower and that she must stay in the tower forever to avoid the hurt and drama of a world too frightening for her to handle. As I watched the movie, I jokingly said, "Isn't this why we homeschool?"

Although my husband chuckled at my comment, I did consider whether my reasons for homeschooling bore any resemblance to the self-serving motives of the movie's villain. Many people stereotype homeschooling parents as overprotective and controlling, and indeed, in some cases, this accusation may be true. However, as I discovered when I first researched homeschooling as an option for our family, people who homeschool vary as greatly as people who send their children to private or public schools. As one of the diverse group of parents who chooses to homeschool, how do my motives measure up? Am I doing what is best for my children, or am I tiptoeing closer to the Mother Gothel method of child-rearing?

On one hand, all healthy parents protect their children. To some extent, I do desire to shelter my kids from anything that might harm their developing identities and faith, such as bullies, inappropriate conversations and labels. I want to influence them at their most moldable age, cultivating a strong faith and value system that will enable them to withstand peer pressure and make right choices when they grow older.

However, my children are still quite young. They still need to hold my hand when they cross the street. If they reach adulthood without me ever allowing them the freedom to test their beliefs or permitting them to move beyond my arm's reach, then the healthy shelter of our home would become no better than Rapunzel's imprisoning tower. I do want to build a strong faith in my kids, but I want them to test that faith and make it their own long before they leave home. For this reason, even though I homeschool partly out of a desire to minimize negative influences, my protection will decrease, and their freedom will increase, as my children grow up.

In fact, as I consider my motives, I realize that my main reasons for homeschooling come from freedom and not overprotection.

First, I want to free my children from labels. In order to accommodate a variety of kids, schools dispense many labels. Fidgety little boys become known as troublemakers. Intelligent students are "gifted," which seems positive, but as a former "gifted" student, I felt pressured to only pursue academics and not the art degree I desired, even though I now do more art than academics. As an "advanced" student, I believed that art should remain a hobby, while my intellect should become my identity. Moreover, peers label each other, often in harmful ways: geek, klutz, clown, different, unpopular. I want my children to cultivate their own interests and abilities, without having to fit into a predetermined mold created by the school or their classmates.

Similarly, I appreciate that homeschooling allows my children to work at an individual pace, regardless of age or grade. My daughter completed two full math books this year, because she grasped the concepts quickly and enjoyed her work. My son barely finished one. He understood addition well, but I realized, halfway through, that he was counting the numbers in his head instead of memorizing the facts. I stopped working through the book to practice the facts until he could solve them quickly, without counting. With individual instruction, the kids can work quickly or pursue in-depth projects in their strengths and spend extra time mastering their weaknesses.

Additionally, my children have the freedom to learn outside of a school building. This year, we studied at a cabin in the woods, Malabar Farm, the zoo, the theater, museums and more. The kids attended a homeschool co-op, took ballet classes, and used math to double a recipe from China, which we cooked as part of a geography unit on Asia. Homeschooling gives us the freedom to learn creatively, outside of the classroom.

After much thought, I concluded that, unlike Mother Gothel, I desire to help my children leave their protective tower. Through creative instruction and exploration, I hope to help them become wise adults, capable of taking on a sometimes scary world, of thinking critically and making their own choices. I do not homeschool in order to hoard these precious gifts for myself. Instead, I desire to nurture them and release them, so they can use their gifts to make a difference in the world."

Cloudy With a Chance of Manna

The kids discovered a new favorite movie last week - Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. I've heard mixed reviews, but I really enjoyed it, possibly because I have never read the book on which it is based. They enjoyed it so much when we rented it that we took them to see it at our local dollar theater that Saturday.

Then, Saturday evening, we sat down together for our nightly Bible reading before bed. I opened my Bible to Exodus 16, where we left off, and began to read about the Israelites crying out for food in the desert. God caused manna to come down from heaven each night with the dew and cover the ground each morning. In a way, a special kind of bread rained down from heaven for them. I laughed and told them, "Hey! It was cloudy with a chance of manna!" Flint's invention in the movie was fantastic but dangerous. However, God's provision was perfect. The food came down gently, with the dew, and the leftovers melted away in the heat of the sun. The kids loved the story.

Tonight, I decided to deviate from our normal reading and jump ahead to John 6:30-59. I especially focused on verses 47-51:

"I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life. I am the bread of life. Your forefathers ate the manna in the desert, yet they died. But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which a man may eat and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world."

I explained to the kids that, while wonderful, the manna in the desert was still just food. People who ate it still died. However, the manna served as a picture of Jesus, the true Bread from Heaven, the Bread of Life. I told them that Jesus did not really mean that people had to eat him in order to live. Instead, He meant that He had to die and that following Him would satisfy our greatest need - the need for salvation from our sins. If we follow Jesus and accept his sacrifice, then we can have everlasting life - not that we will never die, but that we can live in heaven with Him forever after we die.

At first, I worried that the comparison might confuse the kids, but Hannah and Ben seemed to understand it. Hannah's eyes sparkled with excitement as she connected the ideas in her mind, and, though Ben appeared less focused, he correctly answered a few questions I asked him about the Bible story.

I intended to return to Exodus tomorrow night, but I stumbled across one more lesson centered around manna - Psalm 78. It explains the many signs and miracles God performed throughout Israel's history and details their rebellion and lack of trust in him. The writer of the Psalm encourages the reader to listen carefully and learn from the story, trusting in God and following Him instead of rebelling. Now that I think about it, I believe we will have one more night in our "Cloudy With a Chance of Manna" Bible series after all.

A Christmas Surprise

Last year, we surprised the kids with a trip on the Polar Express. We paid a little extra to become members of the railroad in order to avoid the lottery and buy tickets in advance. This year we decided just to take our chances with the lottery. Then, in early November, we realized that we had forgotten all about the lottery and had missed our chance to purchase tickets. However, out of curiosity, Josh went online to read about it and discovered that we could still get seats on weeknights in early December. We excitedly bought the tickets for December first and began planning for the kids' surprise.

On Tuesday, I let Becca and Ben stay in their pajamas all day and then convinced them that they needed to change into clean pajamas to pick Hannah up at school. We drove through the pick-up line, and I told Hannah that today was "Jammie Day," and she could change into her pajamas as soon as she got home from school. Josh was supposed to come home at 4:00, but he got tied up on a phone call. "Uh, oh," I told the kids, "I was going to go get dinner after Daddy came home, but he's going to be late, so I'm going to have to bring you all in your jammies." I took them all through the drive-thru at McDonald's just as Josh came home from work. When we got back to the house, I called Josh on the cell phone to "convince" him to come drive around with us to look at Christmas lights. He finally agreed, and we began our drive to Cleveland for the train ride, pointing out lights along the highway as we drove. The kids began whining to use the bathroom about 10 minutes from the station, so we told them we were driving to a place where we knew there would be restrooms. As we pulled into the station, Hannah noticed the sign and started screaming in excitement, "It's the Polar Express! We're going on the Polar Express!"

We really enjoyed the train ride, just like last year. We got seats in the dome car this time, so we were a bit more comfortable, and the windows extended across the ceiling as well as the sides, which gave us a lovely view of the full moon as we rode. The kids snuggled up in their blankets in the beginning, while an elf read The Polar Express over the loudspeaker and we followed along in our copy of the book.

Once the train picked up a little speed, the elves brought around hot chocolate (at a much more drinkable temperature than last year) and delicious chocolate chip cookies.

Finally, we reached the "North Pole." The elves handed out paper towels for the kids to wipe the condensation off of the windows as the train slowly moved into the station, full of lights and actors dressed as elves and Christmas characters.

After about fifteen minutes, the train began moving back along the tracks towards the first station.

To help pass the time, the elves led Christmas carols, which Hannah enjoyed very much.

Santa also came around and gave each kid a souvenir sleigh bell to bring home, pausing to autograph our The Polar Express book as well.

Ben mostly just stared out the window, and Becca alternated between snuggling on my lap and bouncing off the walls!

We arrived at the station a little after 9:00pm, and began the long journey home. Becca slept, but Hannah and Ben somehow stayed awake for the whole car ride. Sleepily, the kids trudged up the steps into the house, where they saw our Polar Express train set, which Josh had put together in the living room while the kids and I were out getting dinner. After a few minutes of playing with the train, the kids finally crashed in their beds around midnight! Needless to say, Hannah slept in instead of going to school on Wednesday, but we all enjoyed having a wonderful surprise family outing to kick off our Christmas celebration this year.

That's the Way it Happens...

... on the Polar Express!!

We were able to successfully pull off one of the best Christmas surprises ever! Since June, we have been planning to take the kids on the Cuyahoga Valley Scenic Railroad's version of the Polar Express. All three kids are obsessed with the movie, and watching it together is the first sign that the Christmas season has arrived. We have to force them to wait until after Thanksgiving to watch it the first time. This year, they learned to sing the song, "When Christmas Comes to Town." Even Becca knows all of the words!

The day of our train ride, we dressed them in their pajamas around 4:00 in the afternoon and began the long drive to Cleveland, stopping only to get dinner and take a quick bathroom break. The kids eyes lit up when we got there and they saw the sign for the train. The weather was frigid, and they had a hard time waiting to board the train, but once they were on board, they loved it!

The ride started with an elf welcoming everyone and reading aloud the book by Chris Van Allsburg. After that, they served everyone hot chocolate and cookies made by "Mrs. Claus," and the conductor came around and punched each child's ticket with the first letter of his or her name. After about 45 minutes, we reached the North Pole, which was a makeshift village covered with Christmas lights and staffed by a handfull of volunteer elves and other Christmas characters. All of the kids were glued to the windows while we were there. Hannah announced that Rudolph was not a real reindeer - he was merely an elf dressed up as a reindeer!

As a family, we have struggled with the idea of Santa at Christmastime. We have not encouraged the kids to believe in Santa, but we have not banned him from our house either. We have talked about him mainly as a story, a fantasy like Charlie Brown or any other book or movie - something that is fun to think about but that is not real. Now, however, both Hannah and Ben are convinced that Santa is real. Even Hannah, who is a bit more skeptical, thinks we really were at the North Pole and wonders why they had no snow when we went. She also expressed to me that she thinks that millions of Santas exist all over the world - after all, she told me, she has met at least three of them just in our town! So, we are entertaining their belief, but not really encouraging it. If they want to believe he is real, they can, as long as they still understand that the real meaning of Christmas is celebrating Jesus' birthday.

Once we left the North Pole on the train, we sang Christmas carols together for the rest of the ride. Santa himself even visited our car and gave each kid a sleigh bell to take home as a souveneir.

Overall, the kids had a wonderful trip. Ben still shakes his bell next to his ear, listening and saying, "I believe... I believe..."

I appreciated that they had a chance to see the book and movie that they love come to life. It was a magical experience for children who already adore all things train related, and though the focus was definitely on Santa, the kids can still tell me why we really give gifts on Christmas, and that is what matters most.

Hot Chocolate!

Even though we don't push Santa in our house (Hannah and Ben understand that he's just a fun story like any other fairy tale), my kids became enamored with the movie The Polar Express this Christmas. They have an infatuation with trains already, and I think they view the film as an exciting train movie.

Anyway, this week we had a big snow storm that caused us to cancel our field trip to the fire station, and I could see how disappointed the kids felt. When Hannah mentioned wanting hot chocolate at breakfast (a rare treat for them), I suddenly felt inspired. While they ate, I found a free train pattern here and then printed and cut out the pieces. I also made each kid a golden yellow ticket like the one in the movie.

After breakfast, I gave the kids the train pieces and let them color and glue it together. Then, we wrote the numbers 1-4 on the cars. Once they finished, I handed them their tickets and put on the soundtrack from the movie. When the conductor yelled, "All Aboard," I checked their tickets and seated them at the table. I wrapped up the activity by serving them hot chocolate when the "Hot Chocolate" song played on the CD.

The kids loved it! They both slept with their train tickets in their beds last night and insisted that Daddy let them watch the movie while I was out last night. I don't think they even remembered that they missed their field trip...